< link rel="DCTERMS.replaces" href="http://trappedcivilservant.blogspot.com" > Aginoth's Retirement Ramblings: Security Alert

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Security Alert

As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is "General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert:
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "Isolationism" to "Find another oil-rich nation for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack random countries (ideally those without any credible military)" and "Beg the British for help".

The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666. Their two highest security levels are "Complain about bloody foreigners" and "Write a strongly worded letter".

The Irish alert level remains constant at "Have another pint".


Blogger Juggling Mother said...

I don't think they've reached 'bloody nuisance' yet, more like 'slightly annoying':-)

It's still NOTHING LIKE the IRA attacks of the 70's, and Londoners can still remember when "terrorism" was a regular & expected incident, not a vague possibilty.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 6:56:00 pm  
Blogger craziequeen said...

'..have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved".'


Tuesday, December 13, 2005 7:10:00 pm  
Anonymous Claire said...

Hilarious! Absolutely brilliat post!

Here from Michele's!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 8:05:00 pm  
Blogger garfer said...

The Scottish level of alert remains at "Get tae fuck or ah'll nut ye".

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 8:16:00 pm  
Blogger CyberKitten said...

Wow..... I think that'll have offended just about everyone...

Well done... I think....

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 9:08:00 pm  
Blogger craziequeen said...

not me........ :-)


Tuesday, December 13, 2005 9:31:00 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

That's been around for yonks but it's a cracker, this one seems slightly modified, good one!
You don't feel that posting our security level is posing a security threat??????????

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 9:53:00 pm  
Blogger kenju said...

Well, I'm with the Irish on this one!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 3:37:00 am  
Blogger kenju said...

Imagine this, Aginoth, Michele sent me back tonight. Congratulations on being her site of the day!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 5:19:00 am  
Anonymous MissMeliss said...

Hello, Michele sent me. I'm glad you posted this - the laugh was wonderful.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 5:34:00 am  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Loved this! Very funny and so true, too!
Congratulations on being site of the day, Mr. A. Bully For You!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 6:32:00 am  
Blogger srp said...

At least you Brits can remember. I'm afraid we've hatched a bunch of ostrichs here that think it will go away if we just put our heads in the sand.

It is a funny post though.
Here from Michele.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 6:39:00 am  
Blogger craziequeen said...

'He is funny, bright, and oh-so-interesting.'


congrats on Blog of the Day at Michele's palce, mate :-)


Wednesday, December 14, 2005 6:57:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, Michele sent me. :)

Congrats on the Site of the day, man.

On your terror alert post: leave it to the Irish. I should know - I'm oneofthem.

good day!


Wednesday, December 14, 2005 7:08:00 am  
Anonymous deeleea said...

Love the post.

Michele sent me, of course...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 12:37:00 pm  
Blogger Megan said...

I love you! I love you! This is priceless. I'm printing it out and hanging it on my wall. Then I'm going to have another pint.

Hi - Michele sent me.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 3:30:00 pm  
Anonymous Joan said...

Hilarious! Thanks for stopping by my blog today. Enjoy all the Christmas celebrations. :)

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 10:23:00 pm  
Blogger Uisce said...

I'll drink to that!! :)

Sunday, December 18, 2005 7:39:00 pm  

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