Seasonal Silliness

something Seasonally Funny today for your enjoyment :o) Emailed to me and the rest of the Crazies yesterday...

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November 2004

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't
be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline

----------------------------------------------------------------------------



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November 2004

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------



FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November 2004

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November 2004

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have
to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking
permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet.
We cannot control the salt used in the food: we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as
dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.

Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November 2004

RE: The F******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks. I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it,
you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know
tomatoes have feelings too, they scream when you slice them. I've heard
them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday, drink, drive and die.

The B*tch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------



FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: 9th November 2004

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the
Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.


Aginoth's Advent Calendar - December 10th

Something for the weekend...this is similar what LMB had in her advent calendar this morning ....and also my first ever attempt at putting an animation into a blog :o)



And Finally, Muppetlord found this...LINK...very funny tirade against the whingers trying to destroy all references to Xmas, but caution it contains explicit language.