< link rel="DCTERMS.replaces" href="http://trappedcivilservant.blogspot.com" > Aginoth's Retirement Ramblings: Universal Truths

Friday, January 27, 2006

Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps. (That's Chips to the Americans)
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly. (Women are not permitted to prod a fire...It's a man thing :o) )
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball and an old chair
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think. (and can carry 50 times their own weight...like ants)
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. (They are the Larval form of Shopping Trolleys)
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. (I have several)
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. (I am that uncle :o) )
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip. (that's fries to those in the US)

18 Comments:

Blogger used*to*be*me* said...

Absolutly true in every sense.

Friday, January 27, 2006 8:15:00 pm  
Blogger radar said...

Believe it or not, Thomas Jefferson invented the coat-hanger. Yep, a Yank!

Come visit my site and disagree with almost everything I believe sometime, ha ha!

Radar

Friday, January 27, 2006 8:38:00 pm  
Blogger kenju said...

Funny! I just did #5 and it took me a few minutes to realize I should turn it around. HA!

Friday, January 27, 2006 11:13:00 pm  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Everyone who grew up in the 80s also tried to dial "867-5309" on the phone at least once.

It always creeps me out to syncronize pee breaks at the bar with anyone - it does not matter if they are a stranger our not. Still creepy.

Saturday, January 28, 2006 3:50:00 am  
Blogger Katherine said...

Ha! Great list. I was going to add that everyone tried to call 867-5309 but the lazy iguana beat me to it!

Saturday, January 28, 2006 3:11:00 pm  
Blogger S.I.D. said...

While your on the subject of chips (fries to Yanks) you forgot this one.

Buy a plate of chips for yourself and your girlfriend/wife/partner will inevitably steal one.

Grrr

Saturday, January 28, 2006 6:10:00 pm  
Blogger CyberKitten said...

What's the significance of 867-5309...???

Saturday, January 28, 2006 6:17:00 pm  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Great list Mr. A. So many good things that are funny, yet also true, too...Very very clever!

Saturday, January 28, 2006 6:26:00 pm  
Blogger MuppetLord said...

So true. I haven't got to the spare wood stage yet.

Saturday, January 28, 2006 8:47:00 pm  
Blogger dena said...

These were great..So true, but things you really never think of. And then when someone brings them to your attention, they seem so obvious....great post!

Monday, January 30, 2006 3:15:00 am  
Blogger craziequeen said...

2) is usually me....... [wry smile from chilly bavaria]

cq

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 9:01:00 am  
Blogger Vancouver Voyeur said...

#3 is me and my co-worker. I'm always on my way to the toilet as she's on her way to express breast milk. It's very uncomfortable! :-)

Oh, and 867-5309 is from the song "Jenny" by Tommy Tutone, I think. My partner's band plays it, but I'm not sure if that's the title.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
I know where not to look, don't make eye contact with a man! If you don't spit banana all over from laughing, you'll choke from the creepy looks you'll get.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
Or the smell of rotten doggy farts.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
You've actually been warned about that? I've never heard of it.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
Or Legos, or plastic army men, or any sharp edged toy, that invariably will always hit the most tender part of the arch of your foot. My children have learned plenty of curse words at 3 in the morning on my way to or from the toilet. :-)

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. (I have several)
Or, when you stock up on soap, toilet paper, tin foil, sugar, etc., just because the stores might run out. It comes from being raised by a child of the Depression or WWII.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 1:44:00 pm  
Blogger Merkin said...

The Wit and Wisdom of Peter Kaye - the man is indeed a genius. Number 29 is particularly true.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 2:14:00 pm  
Blogger pissoff said...

I'm a product of the 80s but have to admit that I've never input 55378008 onto a calculator. That's a first for me.

rkiuzwag - death to word verification.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 3:35:00 am  
Blogger frangelita said...

Like the list, here are some others to add: Despite being constantly warned, no-one you know has ever 'had their eye out' when waving a pencil around; and In every load of washing there is one less sock than the one before.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 3:24:00 pm  
Blogger justajob said...

I knew someone at junior school who had his arm broken by a swan. He got too close to the swans nest as dare to disprove the theory that swans can break your arm. The mun and dad swans reared up and he turned to run and fell and broke his arm. All of us who were watching though it was funny at the time, come to think, I still do.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 11:50:00 pm  
Blogger Uisce said...

ok, but I'm a guy, so why am I the girl crying?

Friday, February 03, 2006 2:04:00 pm  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

I thought of #1 this morning while making lunches. Its so true! :-)

Friday, February 03, 2006 3:50:00 pm  

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