< link rel="DCTERMS.replaces" href="http://trappedcivilservant.blogspot.com" > Aginoth's Retirement Ramblings: Children

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Children

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T ! "

"Don't what ? " Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit ? We have forbidden fruit ? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! "

" No Way ! "

"Yes way ! "

"Do NOT eat the fruit ! " said God.

"Why ? ""Because I am your Father and I said so ! " God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked !

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? " God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you ? " said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it ! " Adam said.

"Did not ! "

"Did too ! "

"DID NOT ! "

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY !

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you ?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.(I love this bit) lol

AND FINALLY

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

fantastic i will remind my parents of this!!

Thursday, February 23, 2006 10:30:00 pm  
Blogger Convict said...

Our daughter (13) was online the other day with one of her friends talking about bum sex. Daughter asked friend if she used a dildo and friend replied that she didn't have one so daughter asked mum if friend could borrow one of hers. Mum asked what made daughter think that mum owned such a thing to which daughter replied "What's the point in having all those Ann Summers parties if you don't buy anything?" Mum walks out the room shell shocked, I collapse on the floor in uncontrollable fits of laughter.

Quite a while ago son (4 at the time) was in the kitchen doing something suspicious when I walked in to hear him say what I heard as "Fuck it". I asked him what he said. "When?" he replied. "Just then as I came in." With a concentrated and innocent look on his face, quite a feat in itself, he looked me straight in the eye and said "I didn't hear myself say anything" Out manouvered by a 4 year old!

onkpiil - is that medication for pigs?

Friday, February 24, 2006 9:47:00 am  
Blogger Katherine said...

haha! Great post, loved it.

Friday, February 24, 2006 10:19:00 pm  
Anonymous Nanny A said...

I HAVE READ AND TAKEN NOTE.

Saturday, February 25, 2006 4:36:00 pm  
Blogger ribbiticus said...

hahaha! excellent post, aggie! :)

Saturday, February 25, 2006 6:58:00 pm  
Blogger Alessandro_PPG said...

Hello! Sou publicitário e ilustrador e tenho um estúdio de finalização de comerciais e ilustração publicitária aqui na Vila Olímpia - Brasil! Gostaria também de fazer novos contatos de amizades bacanas! Meu site: www.ilustrada.ppg.br! Abraços! Notice: Of the to visit my Blog No Click in banners of the google please!

Sunday, February 26, 2006 4:24:00 am  

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